Copyright Information
© Matthew Hirsch MCMXCIX- MMII
I can't believe you are actually viewing this part of my site!
Why are you here? Why would you read this?
Well, I guess I'd better say all the usual mumbo jumbo.
All the works and information on this website are placed within the copyright of Matthew Hirsch since 1998 to the present date (unless noted otherwise). All rights reserved. hmatt™, hmatt's place™, hmatt i am™, hmattiam™, the™, and™, Keen!™, hmatt.com™, www.hmatt.com™ and its affiliate icon is/are a trademark of Matthew Hirsch. No part of this website may be transmitted or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical or biochemical, including photocopying, recording, e-mailing to your great-grandfather's second wife's great-grandaughter, or by information storage and retreval system or human eyes, without prior permission in writing by the website developer. Which should be mailed to me via a certified mail in a sealed envelope consiting of at least one 1˘ stamp from 1942 and included on a manila envelope with your request written, by hand, with a quill pen dipped in black waterproof India® ink which can be easily read on plain white 8-1/2 by 11-1/2 inch slice of paper without any prior mistakes which includes but is not and ever shall be not limited by any mistakes made with a spelling or gramatical error. Correctional tape and/or white-out shall not be used. All thoughts and ideas expressed are mostly ideas of the author and I shall take no liability in what you do directly after reading them, so don't even try to plead insanity~ And yes I'm talking to you Emmett! Shake before opening, Contents under pressure. Do not puncture. Do not look directly into the sun or into the eyes of a rabid dog because he will sense your fear and attack giving you a bite which will cause a great deal of pain both physically and emotionally as they lay him down to rest but he deserved to go anyway he kept barking at me- sure I threw sticks and rocks at him but I was like ten or sixteen years old how was I supposed to know that his chain was all rusty and would break loose, sure his owner 6 year old Sheila cried and cried but she shouldn't have kept him so easily available next to our house. Brush your teeth twice a day for at least two minutes. Are you still reading this? Okay, Umm.. Six months same as cash No interest if paid by full on the appropriate due date. I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. 1.2% APR finacing will be approved to a select number individuals out of 1% of those with brown hair hit by lightning within the past three minutes in the city of Walla Walla Washington. $500 dollars cashback with a $498.94 surcharge and a check or money order for the amount of $34.26. Or you may be entitled for the Select Preffered Premium Customer Plan which includes a special magic piece of Wonder Tape©®™ and a Limited Edition 29˘ elvis stamp with four (4) additional rare and collectible 1˘ stamps in a cube formation, all this for not $134,546.12 not even $134,540.12 or even an unheard of price of $134.539.98 but 34 easy to pay and non-debt installments of $200 paid bi-weekly for 14 years. But wait! Act now and recieve actual dried DNA samples from my grandma's canine Blackey on the stamps themselves! All this will be mailed to you upon recipet of payment. No purchase nessesary, To get a free game piece mail to a random large looking Prisoner at your local Correctional Facility with your Name, Address, Current Picture, Mother's Maiden Name, Two Forms of Identification, Two Credit Card Numbers, And a 3-by-5 index card with the words "Your Not So Tough, Huh, Mr. Not So Tough Guy, Sitting In Your Jail Cell, huh, I Dare you to Come Get Me- Oh- and PS Your Mother Wears Army Boots" printed and signed on the front and three (3) One (1) dollar bills with the words 'Loser = U' written on the back {Optional}, and send to mea a signed contract declaring immunity to Me and oh I feel like some M&Ms so include a package in there too. [Make sure they are not the Peanut M&Ms because I hate those type!]. Good Luck. Few will enter, No One will win. All articles listed here may be changed without prior notification. Machine Wash Cold With Similar Colors; Tumble Dry LOW; No Ironing Required; Only Non-Chlorine Bleach When Needed; Do Not Dry Clean. Batteries Not included. Thank you for watching, brought to you in part , Well, Me, and by veiwers like you, and a grant from Me which reminds you reading is fun. Have a nice day! The End. For Now. Taa Daa. Okay That's it. no really. That was the end. Why are you still reading? Why don't you read another page? You are still reading this aren't you. Yes you are! I can feel it. See, see what did I say? I knew it.. Well, I'll just pretend you've left.. Your'e still there? What does it take for you to stop reading this? Oh I know I just have to make a stop in my sent-
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