hmatt's blog

Sometimes I’ll stare at the ceiling and ask myself why I am trying to accomplish so much.

I think about how much easier my life would be if I was like so many of my acting friends who just want to be an actor. This feat in itself takes years or a whole lifetime to achieve. Yet, I find myself looking at so many terrible movies and videos out there and wondering how I could better contribute to this world.

I love acting, but most of the scripts or breakdowns I see are parts that I have little interest in playing. I know at some level I may start seeing more quality stuff, but instead of waiting for that magical day I want to make it happen.

There are lots of stories of people making their own stuff and becoming famous and more importantly showing their ideas to the world and having it becoming profitable. I’m not going to kid myself, financial compensation is important. I have debt I’d like to abolish, and I yearn for the day when I can afford a constant supply of healthy foods instead of always being on the prowl for bargains or $1 store meals. There are lots of experiences that money can help buy too. Plus, to make my own stuff means I’m the entire production crew and have to come up with props and kraft services myself.. Whew!

I just looked at my recent finances and realized there were certain bills that I hadn’t been counting on in my budget. I have goals that I want to reach (free from debt and owning an electric car). Acting isn’t a way for me to get rich quick, or even ‘get by’ apparently (at this time at least).

I try to think positive things over and over to lift my spirits. I try to remain positive amidst all the doubt and simmering bouts of worry and anxiety. I am grateful that there are people I can look to to see that positive things CAN happen, and WILL happen if I am genuine in pursuing my goals. Yes, there are goals that I’ve dropped- but there are other life goals that I can’t picture living without… a way to share my talents with the world and make this place a better place.

I’m only a week into the new year, but I have faith that I by this time next year all my anxieties will dissipate. All those negative voices in my head will be silenced. All insulting comments by others will fall on deaf ears.

Yes, my life would be different if all I wanted to do was act in whatever came my way.. but that isn’t me. I have standards that I will uphold and values that will be sustained.

I am unique. I can’t ever compare myself to someone else. Everyone is on their own journey and every one has their own separate path on how to get there. I will enjoy the path I have chosen and most importantly love the journey.

When I find myself looking at the ceiling, I can remind myself that I am choosing to do so much because it is who I am. I have chosen to do more than be just an actor waiting for a break because nobody else has my unique set of gifts and can showcase them like me.

I’m not afraid to make a new path and go places where no one I know has ever gone. I’m ready for the adventure and challenges therein-

follow me.

Yesterday I had 12 people come over and everyone taped 3 words. I know some aren’t perfect, and I’m preparing to hear people say we didn’t do the ASL or Spanish word correctly. The thing is though, we followed as best as we could from the dictionaries we had.

Today I began the time-consuming process of editing the videos together. Fortunately, they are very short and I don’t have to worry about sound issues or mis-matched shots or multiple takes… any of the usual editing stuff.

These videos had their own problems. Namely, I didn’t have a ‘theme song’ set up yet. I quickly made an intro with a simple animation from Keynote, then had to ‘guess’ the timing when playing the music in Garageband. I’m grateful that my four year old computer can handle so much work! I’m always keeping him busy!

After doing this process over several times I finally found a pattern that seemed to flow well and was quick and simple. I referred to a video of old logos to give me inspiration. It will be nice someday to pass this type of thing off to someone who likes to do it. I don’t mind too much because I’m like learning stuff, but there is a lot research that I might have to research to make things go the way I’d like them too. Right now I can’t used Motion because my graphics card isn’t fast enough. This is a good thing though because I don’t want to learn the ropes of a program that I’d barely use.

Another part I didn’t anticipate was that if I shoot against a green screen I’d have to find a royalty free picture for every video! Yikes! I’m not ready to do all of that (although I tried for a few of the videos).

Fortunately, I remembered to focus on what is important. I wanted to get the first video done as a template so I and went with a basic color background. Some words will be easier to illustrate with pictures than others, and I can always change the background another time. Yay computers!

So after about 4 hours I had the first video edited and up on YouTube. I figured I’d start a few others and then do some other chores I’ve been putting off.

It will be such a challenge to maintain balance with productivity. I don’t want to spend my life fretting about things being perfect, but I also want to make some quality stuff. I still hold on to the belief that with quantity I will learn quality. I’ve seen a lot of my ideas get swept into the corner because I hadn’t felt it was ‘finished’.

I’m trying my best to learn how to ‘just do it’ and keep motivated. There are a lot of “what about…” types of people out there, and I would be paralyzed with all the work involved if I heeded every suggestion or comment from others. I hope I can start insulating my environment with others who share my values, the world can be such a battlefield when you are fighting for what you think is right.