hmatt's blog

For the past.. while, I’ve been exhausted and felt like I was running around. Today I had off of work, and I am doing something special for the month of June..

My plans for ‘Catching Up’
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-gathering a smoothie recipe collection & healthy out and about snacks (I’m sick of eating terrible-for-me foods when hunger strikes)
-setting dates for important things (like my hike-plan day!)
-recruiting others to help me with my community building (I have a list of great ways to build different communities impact l will appear soon, probably more in depth after BC2 is over. My ideas include: cold reading practices, ramshackle films, goal club, TRKS planning meeting, commercial improv, bible study group, LA adventure group, and of course a hiking club)
-getting rid of the ‘junk’ that is taking up space in my room
-mini-calendars and pencils near sites of habits to form (or checklists)
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Calendars and Checklists

Keeping track and marking progress is the best way to accomplish a goal. I made a bunch of little June calendars and my goal is to do put these near ‘stations’ where I want to forge new habits.

– Dental Hygiene: last week I got a cleaning and checkup. (thanks to a $29 Groupon). They mentioned that I have ‘pockets’ forming on parts of my gums. This is probably due to my hit-or-miss habit of flossing and rinsing. NO MORE! I made a little calendar that I’ll check off twice a day for brushing-for-2min/flossing/rinsing.

– Workout. I haven’t been to the gym in a LOONG time and I keep thinking about how that is such a wasted opportunity. Apple paid for my membership to 24 hr fitness until March 2012. I put a little calendar check off list near my pull-up bar in the hall for: pullups/pushups/situps/touching-toes. I’ll need to buy some 8lb weights for some shoulder exercises too.

– Feeding Seamonkeys. You are supposed to do this every two days, but I often lose count. Sorry little dudes.

Same thing with checklists
– Car. I once supposed that I spent $150 on gas a month. I’m about to find out how accurate this is. My plan is to fill up today and then keep track of all gas I pay for until the end of the month, then fill it up again. This should work right?

– Acting exercises. There is a collection of different exercises that I ‘could do’ and I’ll have to come up with a way to rotate these things.

-Free time list. I’ve gotten in such a bad habit of wasting those ‘free moments’ one has throughout the day. I now have my little list of free time activities that are prioritized: Submit to LAcasting/Actors access, ‘things-to-ponder’, life goals meditation etc.

As other ideas pop up, I’ll add little calendars and golf pencils near the area. I’ve tried using my phone all for such matters, but it gets lost in the sea of apps on there, and a lot of things are location specific. What good is a timed reminder that appears when I’m elsewhere?

Let the month of change begin!

Most of my acting anxiety is from having my lines memorized. It seemingly takes me forever!

For a while now, I’ve been collecting all the ways other people memorize lines, and trying to figure out what works best for me.

One such way has been to write out my lines, so then I can go back afterwards and see what words I messed up on.

The tried and true method is to ask to have someone read lines for you, but I always felt bad because I would constantly need my lines fed to me. I needed a middle ground.

Then a while back I saw an iPhone app called Rehearse, which had this awesome feature that allowed you to highlight your lines on a pdf and then press a button and the highlight would turn black, leaving just your cue lines. Great! This works a little more elegantly than using a card to cover your lines.

The drawback was that the app was ‘free’ and they had a subscription model which meant that you would have to always pay for the scripts to be put in the app. Boo I say! This subscription price was WAY overpriced.

I turned to the clunky hollywood helper app, but there was always some sort of formatting issue with that little guy.

Then today I was preparing all the scripts I have to have memorized for my BC2 class, and I wondered if anything had changed with Rehearsal.

Yes! They’ve done away with the subscription fee and now I can pay a one time price of $20! FINALLY!

Now to get memorizing! I hope this app helps me overcome my memorizing mental blocks!

Today I was reading “Self-Management for actors”and there was a section about the ‘actor funk’. It talked about how we all experience that moment when we question everything.. but the author suggests that we “wallow in it”. The thought is that we can use this emotion in scenes.. How true though- we only experience the full of our life if we can measure things against other benchmarks of emotion.

A few years ago I was dating this girl and after we broke up I decided to write a play. In it I said a lot of things I had wished I had said and things we may have each been thinking. It was very cathartic actually. I wish I knew how to write songs, it seems like people have better attention spans for such things. Isn’t there something about how all songs (or most of them) have to do with love. So true. Although, this came to me as I was listening to “love songs on the coast”.

Anyway, I kind of miss that high emotionally charged moment you have when you are with someone who really gets you, someone you have really opened up to- or someone you are getting to know. Relationships are so fascinating.

A friend of mine told me that I have been guarded, and this was a while ago. Then recently someone asked what I was thinking. Have I put on such a guard that no one knows what I’m thinking! Yikes!

Anyway, this post was supposed to be all about benchmarks in life- Another book I read recently (seriously- I’ve had my kindle read me so many books so far, utterly amazing) this one was titled “Moonwalking with Einstein” and it was all about memory and how we should all strive to make memories because they create benchmarks so we know where we’ve been.

I had this resolve to start collecting such benchmarks aka making memories, and I was all set, but I don’t think I’ve really done all that much. Well, my excuse for the past month has been that I have been taking an acting class, but I start up again for a two-month stretch starting this Sunday! Make memories happen!

Anyway, I know I have been living life too safe lately. I’d like to start have things happening again–

Oh, and then my Tuesday acting teacher said that I, and another girl, were quiet, and we didn’t have a bunch of disruptive drama surrounding us like certain classmates. Then later we were told by a director (and the teacher) that it is best to keep to one’s self and do your job instead of fueling the antics of those certain actors that make everything about them.. sound advice, but I know there’s got to be a line to explore there. How does one do the work, but be memorable and have fun? Are they opposite spectrums? Hmm..

Right, benchmarks.

Make them.

Do them.

Explore them.

And appreciate all things happening while in them.

At least one’s heartbreak, contemplation, or high emotion makes good art! = )

I have wanted a Kindle for some time now, the thought of all of my books at my fingertips..

Well, when I received my tax refund it was time. I purchased it on April 3 and to my surprise, it arrived two days later.

Since then my commute hasn’t been as terrible. It takes me an hour to get to work each morning, but now I simply turn on the read-to-me feature and my books are read aloud! I had been downloading audiobooks, but I missed taking down notes and highlighting.

Occasionally I try to keep up on kindle news and I recently discovered that Amazon will soon allow kindle to check out digital e-books. Nifty!

So in a nutshell, here is what I like about my kindle:

– able to read outside in the sunlight (unlike my iPhone)
– battery life lasts a LONG time
– can make notes on the book and highlight (also release my notes to others and see other’ people’s highlights.
– it READS ME THE BOOK (so incredibly awesome)
– I can read the same books on my iPhone anytime (yay whispersync!)
– it makes sampling and buying books so easy

Little annoyances to an otherwise incredible device-
– can’t bookmark while being read to (would be useful when driving to come back to later make notes)
– ‘page numbers’ are only visible when pressing the Menu key (same reason as above)
– there isn’t a way to get a book on the whispersync (would be useful for books I get from other places)
– when you download a sample and then buy the book it doesn’t automatically get rid of the sample (a small annoyance to be sure, but it makes the process one-step less elegant)
– the symbol selection screen doesn’t allow me to wrap around to the beginning
– plays aren’t as available on the kindle (at least that I haven’t found yet)
– sharing a passage on twitter only gives you a link
– notes are date-stamped automatically
– the ‘-‘ symbol is far away on the symbol list– if only it had a keyboard equivalent
– there is no way to easily organize my books. You can organize, but it isn’t as easy as simply creating a folder system on my mac

It would be great to join a book club I think. Unfortunately, my taste in books isn’t shared by most people around me (that I know of anyway). Perhaps someday a bookclub feature will be added someday

Useful keyboard shortcuts-

SHIFT+SYM – begin/stop reading aloud
Spacebar- pauses reading
ALT+SHIFT+H – screenshot (although I can’t view it until it is connected to a computer)

More shortcuts are available on http://3gooddogs.com/pub/Kindle3KeyboardShortcutsV1-8%20.pdf

Yay kindle!

Last March I starred in my first student short since college days.

Now it has been almost six years since college. Ah, I miss those days of classes. Everyone was so serious about acting, it was a priority for those people. There’s something magical when everyone is trying hard and pretending together.

I recently joined something called “The Hollywood Playground” in Santa Monica on Tuesdays. However, I’m already seeing people skip days and not prepare and it is frustrating.

The same thing happened long ago in a free acting class I took from Mosaic church, by the end there was only me and another student!

I woke up this morning and saw a Groupon for a month of classes, 5 days a week! Hooray! I know it will be tough and I might hate it. At UW we had a mix of acting theologies, and The Actor’s Bootcamp does only Meisner.

Whatever happens I am excited to throw myself back into my passion. I miss acting. I’ve been doing improv for quite sometime, but it isn’t the same.

I am eager to do some work with people who are committed to the craft!

I was driving down the freeway and I noticed that one of my headlamps was out. No biggie I thought. I would simply stop by Pep Boys in Pasadena before teaching my improv class and replace it in the parking lot.

This was 7:00pm.

I didn’t know which to get, but they have that handy calculator thing that tells you. So I bought it and walked over to my car.

I plopped down and turned the ignition. The lights came on, but it wouldn’t start!

Last time this happened the battery connection was loose. I told Chris at the service department and he came over with the battery checking unit and tested it for me.

After a series of trying different things, he thought that it might be the starter. Unfortunately, he could work on it until the next morning.

I called my old Pasadena roommate and asked if I could crash on his couch for the night. Incidentally, something happened like this a year ago. One of the radiator hoses fell apart and my car was overheating. Luckily he agreed again.

I called the family I nanny for and she was totally okay with me arriving later the next day.

I still needed to get a ride to workshop and I didn’t have anyone’s number. However, I remembered that a student always had his iPhone with him so I emailed him to call me.

At 7:30 Mike was there to pick me up, and we arrived late to class. Everyone was already doing a warm up exercise and then we had an awesome time.

The other Matt was able to give me a lift to Lindygroove.

I should also mention that I’ve been hauling around an Ikea bag with all of my stuff, including my backpack with camera and laptop from earlier that day.

After the dance Char gave me a lift to Eric’s place and after a quick visit I went to sleep.

This was around 1 am.

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The next day I figured it would be a good time to check levels on the antifreeze. The day continued normally, but the radiator started steaming, and I figured I put too much in and it was about to boil out to proper levels.

After DSB anniversary dance, I began the trip home when everyone was stopped on the 210. Marianne and Jason were nearby so I chatted with them and let my car cool down because it had started to overheat.

After the traffic started up again I noticed that the temp gauge went straight back up! Yikes!

I drove off the freeway to this secluded area and tried adding more fluid– and to my surprise, the radiator cap was off.

Which answered what the clunking sound was on the freeway.

2 am.

I didn’t want to drive any further because it kept heating up and I didn’t want to damage my engine. So I drove a few miles near an AutoZone. Then, slept in my car until it opened at 8.

After I put it on, it still overheated. So I put some more fluid directly in the radiator and that was it. Good thing I remembered to put the extra antifreeze in my car.

I then remembered that I once kept extra food and a blanket in the car… I’ll have to put that back.

Now, after two nights, I will finally be sleeping in my own bed.

Yesterday I found out that RedBox DVDs are designed not to play the extras!! Incredible!

And today I found out that if you are wearing headphones and the loose mini-jack brushes against your static cling jacket, your ears will spark! *ouch*

Sometimes I’ll stare at the ceiling and ask myself why I am trying to accomplish so much.

I think about how much easier my life would be if I was like so many of my acting friends who just want to be an actor. This feat in itself takes years or a whole lifetime to achieve. Yet, I find myself looking at so many terrible movies and videos out there and wondering how I could better contribute to this world.

I love acting, but most of the scripts or breakdowns I see are parts that I have little interest in playing. I know at some level I may start seeing more quality stuff, but instead of waiting for that magical day I want to make it happen.

There are lots of stories of people making their own stuff and becoming famous and more importantly showing their ideas to the world and having it becoming profitable. I’m not going to kid myself, financial compensation is important. I have debt I’d like to abolish, and I yearn for the day when I can afford a constant supply of healthy foods instead of always being on the prowl for bargains or $1 store meals. There are lots of experiences that money can help buy too. Plus, to make my own stuff means I’m the entire production crew and have to come up with props and kraft services myself.. Whew!

I just looked at my recent finances and realized there were certain bills that I hadn’t been counting on in my budget. I have goals that I want to reach (free from debt and owning an electric car). Acting isn’t a way for me to get rich quick, or even ‘get by’ apparently (at this time at least).

I try to think positive things over and over to lift my spirits. I try to remain positive amidst all the doubt and simmering bouts of worry and anxiety. I am grateful that there are people I can look to to see that positive things CAN happen, and WILL happen if I am genuine in pursuing my goals. Yes, there are goals that I’ve dropped- but there are other life goals that I can’t picture living without… a way to share my talents with the world and make this place a better place.

I’m only a week into the new year, but I have faith that I by this time next year all my anxieties will dissipate. All those negative voices in my head will be silenced. All insulting comments by others will fall on deaf ears.

Yes, my life would be different if all I wanted to do was act in whatever came my way.. but that isn’t me. I have standards that I will uphold and values that will be sustained.

I am unique. I can’t ever compare myself to someone else. Everyone is on their own journey and every one has their own separate path on how to get there. I will enjoy the path I have chosen and most importantly love the journey.

When I find myself looking at the ceiling, I can remind myself that I am choosing to do so much because it is who I am. I have chosen to do more than be just an actor waiting for a break because nobody else has my unique set of gifts and can showcase them like me.

I’m not afraid to make a new path and go places where no one I know has ever gone. I’m ready for the adventure and challenges therein-

follow me.

Yesterday I had 12 people come over and everyone taped 3 words. I know some aren’t perfect, and I’m preparing to hear people say we didn’t do the ASL or Spanish word correctly. The thing is though, we followed as best as we could from the dictionaries we had.

Today I began the time-consuming process of editing the videos together. Fortunately, they are very short and I don’t have to worry about sound issues or mis-matched shots or multiple takes… any of the usual editing stuff.

These videos had their own problems. Namely, I didn’t have a ‘theme song’ set up yet. I quickly made an intro with a simple animation from Keynote, then had to ‘guess’ the timing when playing the music in Garageband. I’m grateful that my four year old computer can handle so much work! I’m always keeping him busy!

After doing this process over several times I finally found a pattern that seemed to flow well and was quick and simple. I referred to a video of old logos to give me inspiration. It will be nice someday to pass this type of thing off to someone who likes to do it. I don’t mind too much because I’m like learning stuff, but there is a lot research that I might have to research to make things go the way I’d like them too. Right now I can’t used Motion because my graphics card isn’t fast enough. This is a good thing though because I don’t want to learn the ropes of a program that I’d barely use.

Another part I didn’t anticipate was that if I shoot against a green screen I’d have to find a royalty free picture for every video! Yikes! I’m not ready to do all of that (although I tried for a few of the videos).

Fortunately, I remembered to focus on what is important. I wanted to get the first video done as a template so I and went with a basic color background. Some words will be easier to illustrate with pictures than others, and I can always change the background another time. Yay computers!

So after about 4 hours I had the first video edited and up on YouTube. I figured I’d start a few others and then do some other chores I’ve been putting off.

It will be such a challenge to maintain balance with productivity. I don’t want to spend my life fretting about things being perfect, but I also want to make some quality stuff. I still hold on to the belief that with quantity I will learn quality. I’ve seen a lot of my ideas get swept into the corner because I hadn’t felt it was ‘finished’.

I’m trying my best to learn how to ‘just do it’ and keep motivated. There are a lot of “what about…” types of people out there, and I would be paralyzed with all the work involved if I heeded every suggestion or comment from others. I hope I can start insulating my environment with others who share my values, the world can be such a battlefield when you are fighting for what you think is right.

Colleen asked me to write up something about post-edge life. I am such a context person that I wanted to write up a little backstory. I’ve already mentioned some of these things already, but here it is for those who haven’t read up!

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Goals and Life.
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I wrote down a few goals that I wanted to accomplish before I left Spain… talk to people I didn’t know in Spanish, explore wonderful areas, take some great photos, and spend time connecting with people.. the list went on and on. At times it seemed endless. Perhaps the hardest thing was to let go of my expectations. There were times when I didn’t know how things would work out.

I was able to do just about everything and more!

It was wonderful spending time away from all the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles. There was time for many of life’s simple pleasures…

Feeling the whooshing wind while riding bikes through a friendly small town.

Stopping to look at the glistening city of Altea in all its spender, whether it was the sunlight dancing across the buildings or the cool hush of night.

Swimming in the sea as fish darted below and the plants tickled your feet.

Listening in the soft coo of the salty water as it splashed against the rocks.

Watching drops of the pouring rain splash into puddles.

Altea.

Toward the end of the trip I was eager to start my LA life once again. I felt fully recharged. I knew that I had accomplished my goals and much more. I was able to finally find the time to listen to how God wanted me on to share my talents.

Everyone needs time away. Time to suss out life and what it has to offer. A chance to begin a new chapter. A life awaits full of excitement and learning what our precious world has to offer.

Now a new year is upon us, and millions are making resolutions to change in the coming year.

My resolution is to focus.

When I was in Spain I was able to peel back life to the essentials and rediscover the wonder around us. I was able to focus on the things that mattered most and see the ultra progress on things that could have seemed impossible.

I’m looking forward to this year with the lessons from the summer. My time in Spain is a deep well of experiences from which to draw from- something to remind me what is most important about life- God and the amazing people and places that surround us all.

Now that I’m back, I’m putting my artistic talents into continuing work on a children’s show I do online. I’ve seen what groups of people can do when everyone gets a chance to share, so I’m trying to get as many people a part of it as possible. The main theme is learning and exploring this wonderful world.

At times the show, just like my life, can seem overwhelming… there are so many things I want to do. I often remind myself of how things will work out and how God will put people in your life to help you along the way.

Life is such an adventure! It is exciting to see what’s next!